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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27249430">if i loved you less</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyVillanelle/pseuds/BabyVillanelle'>BabyVillanelle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TWICE (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Emma (Jane Austen), Alternate Universe - Historical, Childhood Friends, F/F, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, pretty girls feeling their feelings and falling in love!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:06:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,889</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27249430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyVillanelle/pseuds/BabyVillanelle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nayeon has always been hers alone. Ever since they were children, little girls playing hide and seek in Sana’s big, empty house. Sana would have had a very cold and lonely childhood if it weren’t for Nayeon, always showing up at her door and leading her on new adventures. Over the years, Sana had gotten quite used to the feeling of Nayeon’s warm hand in hers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hirai Momo/Im Nayeon/Minatozaki Sana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if i loved you less</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>happy birthday to my lovely wife, <a href="https://twitter.com/chillaxsoty">chloe</a>!! this one is for you.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sana, handsome, clever and rich, with a comfortable home and a happy disposition, had lived nearly twenty-five years in the world with very little to distress or vex her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She lived with her aging father, in a house far too big for just the two of them. Her best friend in the world was her neighbor Nayeon, a bold and overall irritating girl who had the habit of bursting through their front doors without knocking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every day was the same for Sana. She woke up, had breakfast brought to her in bed, spent time with her father managing their estate, and walked around the garden. In the evenings, Nayeon would come by and they’d have dinner and share gossip.</p>
<p><br/>Sana was content. She had everything she needed. She was her father’s only child, the sole inheritor of his entire estate. She never needed to get married, so her life was (thankfully) devoid of men.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was she happy?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now that was a complicated question.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes she was happy, like last week when Nayeon had come for dinner and told a story about her little brothers that had Sana and her father laughing so hard they nearly fell out of their chairs. Or yesterday, when Sana had gone to visit Nayeon at her house and they had taken a walk in the woods, Nayeon taking care to point out the first flowers of spring, pushing their way up through the dark earth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nayeon knew a lot about plants, and Sana loved to listen to her talk. Sana would listen to her talk about anything, but when she spoke about plants her face lit up in a specific, joyous way that left Sana glowing for hours.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s early morning and Sana gets out of bed and stretches in the first rays of sun. She wraps her dressing gown around her and walks to the window. She can see miles of rolling green countryside from her third-floor room. There’s still mist from the night before, settling in the still-shadowed places in between the hills.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She can see most of the road leading up to their gates from here, so she sees the horse and rider from far off. It’s not until they reach the hedges that surround the property that Sana recognizes Nayeon’s form on her familiar stallion. She covers her mouth with her fingers, her smile curving up the corners of her mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rushes down the stairs barefoot, like a child on Christmas morning, meeting Nayeon in the entrance hall. She’s dressed in her riding clothes, tailored pants, jacket cinched at the waist, and high black leather boots. Her boots click on the marble floors as she crosses the hall to embrace Sana.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You smell nice,” Nayeon whispers in her ear, making Sana flush.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You smell like outside,” Sana says, her nose wrinkling, “And horse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nayeon’s laugh is big and bright in the quiet of the morning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana leads her through to the dining room, where breakfast is being assembled. She catches the arm of one of the maids, a cute girl named Chaeyoung who had grown up with Sana. She kisses Chaeyoung on the cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning,” she says, smiling broadly, “Can you tell the kitchens that Lady Im will be joining me for breakfast?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course, miss,” Chaeyoung says with a bow and a smirk that tells Sana she’s going to get teased later for the way she’s blushing at Nayeon. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time breakfast is ready, Sana is practically bouncing with excitement. She’s not too proud to admit it, she’s been bored these last few weeks. And while a visit from Nayeon is not unusual, a visit from Nayeon before eight in the morning <em>is. </em>It means she has news of some sort and Sana is <em>dying </em>for something interesting to happen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have news,” Nayeon says, sipping her tea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I should hope so,” Sana responds, biting into a slice of toast delicately, “Otherwise I should have to ask you why you darkened my doorstep before dawn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s almost nine in the morning now, long past dawn, the mist clearing up in the rising sun. But Sana likes to be dramatic. It’s her only flaw, really. Nayeon just gives her a crooked smile and continues on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s a girl staying in town,” she says, “She’s our age. And an <em>orphan.” </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana gasps. Their little village was quaint, and full of beautiful landscapes and sprawling estates. It was also full of old, boring adults who had nothing better to do than gossip and take walks around the garden. Sana craved the company of other people her age, and the excitement that came with them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An orphan, too. An orphan was <em>interesting</em>. Already a plan was forming in Sana’s head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know that look,” Nayeon says pointedly, “What are you thinking?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That remains to be seen,” Sana says primly, brushing her hair over her shoulder, “Go on. I need to know more.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I admit,” Nayeon says, “I don’t know much. Just a name. Momo. Hirai is the family name, but apparently, they’ve all, well. <em>Died</em>, I suppose. Tragic stuff. But I’ve heard from my brother that she’s quite something to look at. She’s staying at the boarding house.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That won’t do,” Sana says immediately, already leaning forward, desperate for more of this story, “We have rooms here, she could come and stay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nayeon laughs at her, and Sana pouts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t tease me,” she whines.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, sweetheart,” Nayeon coos, and Sana has to dig her fingers into her own thigh so that she doesn’t shiver at the pet name, “I wasn’t teasing. You’re just predictable, is all.”   </p>
<hr/>
<p>Momo is not what Sana was expecting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana is <em>not </em>closed-minded, she’s not, but. You hear the words “orphan” and “boarding house” and an image begins to form in your mind. Sana is expecting someone meek, someone with wide eyes and a plain face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Momo is none of those things. Well. She does have big eyes. Big eyes that are currently taking in every item in Sana’s rooms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her face is far from plain. Nayeon’s brother must have been right, for once in his sorry life, because Momo is one of the most beautiful women Sana has ever seen. Her dark black hair is cut in an unfashionable bob, far too short to be styled. On someone less striking, it might look childish, but on Momo it is captivating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Captivating. Overall, a good word for this girl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana often finds herself feeling wrongfooted around Momo. It’s honestly refreshing, and thrills her more than she’d like to admit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” Sana says, adjusting her skirts as she sits down on the loveseat by her window. She holds herself just at the right angle so the sun will catch in her eyelashes, “What do you think?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Momo turns to face her, blinking a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you have any books?” she asks. Sana is taken aback.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Books?</em>” Sana asks with a frown. She looks around her room. Her furnishings are immaculate, the finest quality wood, the softest most fashionable linens. Her windows have the most pleasing views in the house, and the paintings on the wall are all custom ordered, just for her. She has a closet full to bursting of dresses that she was waiting for Momo to ask about so they could try them on together. Momo looks to be about her size.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes,” Momo says, her brows furrowed, “I only brought one or two from home, and I’d love to read something new. You have so much, I just thought …”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Momo blushes, covering her mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry,” she says, rushing to correct her mistake, “Forgive me, I-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana just grins. She’s not ashamed of what her family has. If anything, she’s proud of it. She was looking forward to showing her home off to Momo, now that they’ve gotten to know each other. She just wasn’t expecting Momo asking to see <em>books. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s quite alright,” Sana says, with a wave of her hand. She’s almost glad for Momo’s social faux pas. It means Sana has the upper hand again, and there is nothing that pleases Sana more than having the upper hand, “I’d like you to speak candidly with me. After all, we’re friends now, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Momo nods. She’s still blushing. It’s sweet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good,” Sana says, smoothing out her skirts. She’s wearing pink today, and pink always makes her feel a little reckless, “Now, if it’s books you want, we’ll have to go visit Nayeon.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana is not sulking. She’s not. She’s just sitting in Nayeon’s window seat in her library, angling herself so that the sun falls properly on her face, highlights her profile in a way she knows is flattering. Also, she’s reading. Really, she is.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So what if she’s read the same passage five times and she’s still not sure of its contents? That is still reading. She’s sure of it. Otherwise, why would she have such a tremendous headache?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It certainly has nothing to do with the way Nayeon and Momo are huddled together over Nayeon’s desk, a spread of antique books in front of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana sighs, loudly. She looks up at the other two, but they are lost in their own world, Nayeon excitedly pointing out details in the calligraphy in one of her oldest books. Sana’s familiar. She’s heard this speech before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana kicks her feet up, propping them against the side of the windowsill. It’s not particularly ladylike, but Sana isn’t feeling particularly ladylike this morning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s been half a year since Momo appeared in their lives, and at first Sana was thrilled. Momo was new, and lovely, and interesting. Now, however, Momo and Nayeon spend every moment together, and Sana feels left behind. They have some sort of bond that she doesn’t understand, wouldn’t particularly care to at all, except.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Except Nayeon has always been hers alone. Ever since they were children, little girls playing hide and seek in Sana’s big, empty house. Sana would have had a very cold and lonely childhood if it weren’t for Nayeon, always showing up at her door and leading her on new adventures. Over the years, Sana had gotten quite used to the feeling of Nayeon’s warm hand in hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And except Momo had made Sana feel so giddy, right at the beginning. Given her goosebumps when they brushed fingers accidentally on long walks around the pond. Made her laugh so hard she cried on more than one occasion. Momo was <em>amazing. </em>And Momo was not looking at her. In fact, nobody was looking at her. Nobody had paid her any mind all afternoon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usually, when Sana started to sigh and rustle her skirts, Nayeon would look up from whatever book she was buried in, a dreamy smile on her face, and ask<em>, “Is somebody not getting enough attention?”</em> And Sana would pretend to be indifferent, and Nayeon would come over and sit beside her and tease her until she was laughing breathless, and then they’d go outside and lay in the grass together until dinner was ready.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Today Nayeon is only interested in Momo, in the books in front of them, in making <em>Momo </em>laugh with some joke about bookbinding that Sana doesn’t get. Doesn’t care to get, if she’s honest. But she’d like to be included, either way. She sighs again, louder this time. No response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana stands, abandoning her book on the window seat, and grabs her hat, tying it on under her chin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m going for a walk,” she announces, and Nayeon looks up briefly, one eyebrow raised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright,” she says, already turning away, “Don’t get lost.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana sighs again, and leaves the other two girls to their books, her shoes clicking on the polished hardwood as she makes her dramatic exit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She makes it as far as the big, ancient tree at the bottom of Nayeon’s family garden before some impossibly large sadness takes over her. She sinks to the ground, her back against the tree trunk, and <em>cries. </em>Really, truly cries, like she hasn’t since she was a little girl. She curls up on herself, knees to her chest, and buries her face in her hands and just cries.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She can’t explain it, doesn’t know why, can’t name this widening emptiness inside of her. For a moment she is six again, no mother, no sisters, just her and her father in that cold, cavernous house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then. Just like before, just like when she was little, someone takes her hands in theirs. Big, warm hands that envelop hers, make her feel safe. She looks up in surprise to see Nayeon, kneeling in front of her, smiling indulgently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now why is my favorite girl crying?” she asks, tucking Sana’s hair behind her ear. Sana sniffles pathetically. At least she looks pretty when she cries.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“M’not,” Sana says, voice thick with tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not what?” Nayeon says, gentle and teasing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not your favorite,” Sana says, pouting. Nayeon laughs, big and bright, which seems mean to Sana, so she scowls. Nayeon cups her face in hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that what’s wrong?” Nayeon asks, “Is my girl jealous?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No!” Sana protests, jerking her chin out of Nayeon’s hands, “I’m not jealous. I just think that perhaps it would be better if I went home and left you and Momo alone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nayeon seems to consider that for a moment, and Sana’s chest squeezes, tight around her heart. Then Nayeon pulls her to her feet, holds her hands in hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, then I think we should be very bored,” she says, voice all sincerity, but her eyes are still teasing, and Sana cannot figure out why. She tugs her hands away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t mock me!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not,” Nayeon says, “I promise I am not. You’re my closest friend, Sana. I wouldn’t mock you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The word <em>friend </em>is a dagger in Sana’s side. Fresh tears spring up in the corners of her eyes. Nayeon makes a move to wipe them away but Sana steps back against the tree.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that what I am?” Sana asks, looking down at the grass below them, suddenly shy, “Your friend?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nayeon has no witty response for that. She’s quiet for quite some time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” she says finally, “No I suppose <em>friend </em> is not the right word,” she takes a step back, and the afternoon sun looks so lovely in her dark hair that it makes Sana <em>ache, </em>“When I’ve been in love with you for half my life.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What!?” Sana yelps, almost <em>screeches, </em>really, which makes Nayeon start back in surprise. Sana scrambles, with fingers on rough bark, to push herself away from the tree until she’s standing in front of Nayeon, “Why didn’t you <em>say </em>anything?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I thought you knew!” Nayeon says, her lovely eyes wide with shock and something else, something new and vulnerable that Sana hasn’t ever seen there before, “I thought you knew and you didn’t love me back!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana smacks her, hard, in the shoulder. Nayeon looks affronted, her bottom lip stuck out in a half-pout.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>This is ridiculous, </em>Sana thinks. So she kisses Nayeon. Really, truly kisses her, like a prince in a fairy story. One hand on her lower back, dipping her down towards the ground. A proper kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they break apart, Nayeon is blushing. Sana smiles triumphantly, and Nayeon blinks at her, confused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve been in love with you since I was six,” Sana says, voice high and petty, “So I have you beat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good lord,” Nayeon says, then cups her face and kisses her back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana thought she knew what true happiness felt like, thought she had felt it a dozen, a hundred times over throughout her fairly comfortable life. But every moment pales in comparison to what it feels like to be kissed by Im Nayeon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was she truly alive at all before she knew the way Nayeon’s sharp teeth felt against her bottom lip? Before she knew the way Nayeon’s mouth tasted, sweet and warm like freshly picked blueberries?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, something occurs to her, and she pushes Nayeon back, hands on her shoulders. Things are coming together in Sana’s head, puzzle pieces that had been scattered around are finally slotting into place. Moments that had seemed trivial at the time are now illuminated in a fresh light in Sana’s mind. Momo, gently leaning her head against Sana’s shoulder after a long afternoon riding horses. Nayeon gracefully helping Momo into one of Sana’s favorite yellow dresses, fastening the buttons in the back with such care.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Momo!” she says, and Nayeon looks confused. Sana rushes to explain, “You love her too! You do! Don’t deny it, I’ve seen the way you look at her. It’s the same way you look at me, sometimes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nayeon flushes, and Sana waves her hand at her, “It’s alright, silly girl. Me too, obviously. Have you <em>seen</em> her?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nayeon, for once in the nearly twenty years that Sana has known her, is speechless. Sana grins, wild, and turns on her heel. She breaks into a run when she’s ten steps away, turning over her shoulder to yell back to Nayeon, who is still just standing there, smiling at her, looking a little dazed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on! We have to tell her!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sana’s heart is beating wildly in her chest, her feet slipping on the grass, still wet with dew from the night before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Finally</em>, is the only word she can think of, <em>finally. </em> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/bloombloompowie">twt</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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